Xmas 2

~ Ludwig van Catt

Satan's Groups
(To "Santa Claus Is Coming To Town")

You cannot get in
Your groups to begin
You cannot get through
So what else is new???
Satan's Groups are coming for you.

He's screwed up Yahoo…
Not once but twice
Spamming on posts who's naughty or nice…
Satan's Groups have screwed up Yahoo.

It breaks down when you're typing
He knows when you're griping
It blows the whole Yahoo network…
We don't even want to lurk!

OH! You cannot get in
The chatroom's so thin
404s galore
We cannot take more…
Satan's Groups shoved us out the door…

© 2001 Ludwig van Catt

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Twelve Days Of Yahoo
(To "Twelve Days Of Christmas")

On the first day of Yahoo those bastards gave to us
A reason to swear and cuss…

On the second day of Yahoo those bastards gave to us
Too ugly groups
And a reason to swear and cuss…

On the third day of Yahoo those bastards gave to us
Three headaches
Too ugly groups
And a reason to swear and cuss…

On the fourth day of Yahoo those bastards gave to us
Forever ugly
Three headaches
Too ugly groups
And a reason to swear and cuss…

On the fifth day of Yahoo those bastards gave to us
FIVE BIG MIGRAINES
Forever ugly
Three headaches
Too ugly groups
And a reason to swear and cuss…

On the sixth day of Yahoo those bastards gave to us
Six clubs migrating
FIVE BIG MIGRAINES
Forever ugly
Three headaches
Too ugly groups
And a reason to swear and cuss…

On the seventh day of Yahoo those bastards gave to us
Seven heads a spinning
Six clubs migrating
FIVE BIG MIGRAINES
Forever ugly
Three headaches
Too ugly groups
And a reason to swear and cuss…

On the eighth day of Yahoo those bastards gave to us
Hate Yahoo's antics
Seven heads a spinning
Six clubs migrating
FIVE BIG MIGRAINES
Forever ugly
Three headaches
Too ugly groups
And a reason to swear and cuss…

On the ninth day of Yahoo those bastards gave to us
Nine posts are missing
Hate Yahoo's antics
Seven heads a spinning
Six clubs migrating
FIVE BIG MIGRAINES
Forever ugly
Three headaches
Too ugly groups
And a reason to swear and cuss…

On the tenth day of Yahoo those bastards gave to us
Ten spammers spamming
Nine posts are missing
Hate Yahoo's antics
Seven heads a spinning
Six clubs migrating
FIVE BIG MIGRAINES
Forever ugly
Three headaches
Too ugly groups
And a reason to swear and cuss…

On the eleventh day of Yahoo those bastards gave to us
Eleven founders screaming
Ten spammers spamming
Nine posts are missing
Hate Yahoo's antics
Seven heads a spinning
Six clubs migrating
FIVE BIG MIGRAINES
Forever ugly
Three headaches
Too ugly groups
And a reason to swear and cuss…

On the twelfth day of Yahoo those bastards gave to us
Twelve members leaving
Eleven founders screaming
Ten spammers spamming
Nine posts are missing
Hate Yahoo's antics
Seven heads a spinning
Six clubs migrating
FIVE BIG MIGRAINES
Forever ugly
Three headaches
Too ugly groups
And a reason to swear and cuss…

© 2002 Ludwig van Catt

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We Wish That You Weren't In Yahoo
(To "We Wish You a Merry Christmas")

We wish that you weren't in Yahoo

We wish that you weren't in Yahoo

We wish that you weren't in Yahoo
In that crappy old loo

CHORUS
They're passing as groups
And lower the stoops
For their members bad news
They don't have any clues

Their groups suck just like a Hoover

Members leaving with such a huge blur

Causing members to other sites stir
A bad maneuver

CHORUS

An eye doctor's right on speed dial

An eye doctor's right on speed dial

Yahoo's lacking all class and style
They're a big steaming pile…

CHORUS

We saw what Santa did with glee

We saw what Santa did with glee

But was it what we thought we did see
He crapped down their chimney

CHORUS

Oh how we all envied Santa

Oh how we all envied Santa

Oh how we all envied Santa
Must have been the last straw…

CHORUS

We're glad that you're leaving Yahoo

We're glad that you're leaving Yahoo

We're glad that you're leaving Yahoo
To groups sites anew…

To greatness anew
For me and for you
Glad you're not in Yahoo
Where they don't have a clue

© 2002 - 2003 Ludwig van Catt

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What Spam Is This?
(To "Greensleeves")

What spam is this
That we can't miss
And even more
An eyesore?
It's way too much
I'd love to touch
Their necks till
Blue in face fill…

CHORUS
Why do they spam us so
Relentlessly in steady flow?
Now we're going to leave
This they just cannot believe…

Why do they run
And take our fun
Away in mass
Like an ass?
Hey no good site
With members fight
Constantly
To make us flee…

CHORUS

Our eyesight's gone
And they were wrong
Their groups format
Is all flat
Ignored our plea
Now we do flee
Yahoo to
SmartGroups anew…

© 2002 Ludwig van Catt

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Will You Leave What I Leave???
(To "Do You Hear What I Hear?")

Said the founder to the members dear
Will you leave what I leave???
Disaster's all I see and fear
It's worse than I believe
Yahoo, Yahoo
Bugging us each night
Dizziness and loss of eyesight
With their groups format…that's not bright…

Wrote the members on the Yahoo boards
Where do you think we'll go?
To rid us from those ugly Yahoo hoards
Where do you think we'll show?
"I found a place
Where I'll show my face
It's called SmartGroups for you and me
It's there where I'd like you to be..."

Wrote the founder to all his members there
"To Smartgroups we'll all go..."
Members leaving Yahoo everywhere
See how the SmartGroups grow…
We're here to stay
Each and every day
More and more members leave Yahoo
'Cause their groups format really blew…

Yahoo's members left groups everywhere
Why the hell do we stay?
We won't go back even on a dare
Why the hell did we stay?
Because their clubs
The best on the net
It has turned into a nightmare
It's turned to be our worst nightmare…

Leave our…nightmare…

© 2002 Ludwig van Catt

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Yahoo Blows!!!!!
(To "Let It Snow")

Oh the groups in there are frightful
Nothing in there is delightful
And now everyone in there knows
Yahoo blows!
Yahoo blows!
Yahoo blows!

They never show signs of stopping
The spam ads keep up popping
And their class it really shows
Yahoo blows!
Yahoo blows!
Yahoo blows!

Yahoo really isn't that bright
And we hate going in there at all
It's become the ugliest site
While migraines in heads do maul…

Their groups are quickly dying
As we post all our goodbye-ing
And memberships in SmartGroups grows
Yahoo blows!
Yahoo blows!
Yahoo blows!

© 2002 Ludwig van Catt

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Yahoo Burns Upon An Open Fire
(To the "Christmas Song" by Mel Torme)

Yahoo burns upon an open fire
Yule logs shoved right up their nose…
Improved the smell when we threw in that tire
While we dressed up like Eskimos…

Everybody knows a turkey took over Yahoo
Turned their site into a fright
Yahoo's groups have made us all blue
And cost the rest of our eyesight…

We all saw Santa on their roof
Stumbling all around…I think he's 100 proof
To Yahoo's surprise here they did see
Santa and his reindeer crap down their chimney…

To you I'll give some simple advice
Don't leave them once but leave them twice…
They made us so mad…with our heads did they screw…
And to Yahoo…SCREW YOU!!!

To you…etc…

© 2002 Ludwig van Catt

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Yahoo Christmas Medley (2002)

We Wish That You Weren't In Yahoo
(last verse and chorus)

We're glad that you're leaving Yahoo
We're glad that you're leaving Yahoo
We're glad that you're leaving Yahoo
To groups sites anew…

To greatness anew
For me and for you
Glad you're not in Yahoo
Where they don't have a clue

Away From Old Yahoo
(To "Away In A Manger")

Away from old Yahoo the worst on the net
They tried to pass their groups as the best you can get
They know they are wrong but they just won't admit
Those Yahoo groups are just a big pile of shit…

We Are Leaving Yahoo

We are leaving Yahoo
Their groups sure do blow
In email spam sticks like glue
A swiss cheese spam filter
Yahoo it is a blur
They're toast everyone knew
We are leaving Yahoo
We wish that you would too...

Over the River

Over the river and through the woods
Dragging a body behind
It's the idiot who brought us those groups
I don't think we'll be fined…

Unless we get fined for littering
For dumping him in the snow
Showing appreciation for
Those groups which really do blow…

Bring A Torch

Bring a torch all you members of Yahoo
All of you that they had turned the screw
Time is near that we hear Yahoo now boast
That their future looks as good as toast
Throw, throw, all your torches at Yahoo
Throw all your torches at Yahoo

Yahoo Blew It
(To "Toyland")

Yahoo, you blew,
Every chance that you had
To keep us in Yahoo
But you really made us mad...

We are leaving
The site that turned the screw
And there's no believing
E'er we'll return to Yahoo...

Jingle Hells

A year or two ago
They really didn't show
That they had some class
Now they can kiss our ass
From there on they do blow
The clubs now nave no flow
Because they've been grouped up in shit
That people want to quit…

Oh
Jingle hells
Yahoo smells
To there we won't return
Oh right now our stomachs churn
Will Yahoo ever learn…
Jingle hells
Yahoo smells
To there we won't return
Oh right now our stomachs churn
Will Yahoo ever learn…

Wise men out of Yahoo gone
(To "Good King Wenceslas")

Wise men out of Yahoo gone
Giving Yahoo the gong
To other sites we all do go
Where our posts do all flow
Elegant and error free
Yahoo's being cruel
Gave us the blinding spam we see
Wrapped up like a pretzel

What Spam Is This?
(To "Greensleeves")

What spam is this
That we can't miss
And even more
An eyesore?
It's way too much
I'd love to touch
Their necks till
Blue in face fill…

CHORUS
Why do they spam us so
Relentlessly in steady flow?
Now we're going to leave
This they just cannot believe…

Yahoo's Toast

Yahoo's toast and they don't know it
Fa la la la la, la la la la
Swiss cheese in their spam filter quit
Fa la la la la, la la la la
Drove us out to other sites, shout
Fa la la, la la la, la la la
No wonder we all wanted out
Fa la la la la, la la la la

A Yahoo Christmas Carol

Yahoo burning o'er an open fire
Sucks more than you want to know
Their groups are not what we desire
Everyone knows they really blow

All the members know a turkey of a format now
Made them such an ugly sight
They don't know that they raised such a cow
That's forcing us all out tonight

[: They know that Yahoo is now burnt toast
That everyone is going to other sites galore
And Yahoo's record they're trying to boast
That their site is all that and a whole lot more...

And so I'm bidding you this fond farewell
Run far away from old Yahoo
And we will all tell
Yahoo to "Go straight to hell"
And to Yahoo "SCREW YOU!!!" :]

[: :] = repeat

Twelve Days

On the twelfth day of Yahoo those bastards gave to us
Twelve members leaving
Eleven founders screaming
Ten spammers spamming
Nine posts are missing
Hate Yahoo's antics
Seven heads a spinning
Six clubs migrating
FIVE BIG MIGRAINES
Forever ugly
Three headaches
Too ugly groups
And a reason to swear and cuss…

© 2002 Ludwig van Catt

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Yahoo the Spam Whore
(To "Frosty the Snowman")

Yahoo the spam whore
Is a site without a soul
They are full of bull
Everybody knows
Members can't take any more…

Yahoo the spam whore
It is fairy tales they tell
That the spam they sell
Everywhere does swell
But they don't see what's in store…

Yet there are better groups sites
On the net that can be found
But Yahoo isn't really bright
Their members left all around…

O…Yahoo's an eyesore
Our eye doctor's on speed dial
When we go in there
We all curse and swear
We just can't take any more…

CHORUS
Droppity-drop-drop
Droppity-drop-drop
See the members go
Droppity-drop-drop
Droppity-drop-drop
Away from groups that blow…

Yahoo the spam whore
That gives us spam with a smile
Every click or two
And it's stuck like glue
It's worse than ever before

Yahoo the spam whore
Doesn't care if members leave
Or if we dry heave
They still won't believe
That we're walking out the door…

We're leaving from those groups of doom
To better sites out there
And moments later we heard a boom
The smell's spread everywhere…

Bye…Yahoo the spam whore
Now you are the weakest link
As we say goodbye
And we won't go by
Those grouped eyesores anymore…

CHORUS

© 2002 Ludwig van Catt

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Yahoo's Deck
(To "Deck The Hall")

Yahoo's deck's a few cards short here
Falalalalalalalala
Members started to disappear
Falalalalalalalala
When your groups started us blinding
Falalalalalalalala
Other sites our groups are finding
Falalalalalalalala

Miss Yahoo I do not think so
Falalalalalalalala
Ten snowballs hit that I did throw
Falalalalalalalala
Groups were hidden in the snowball
Falalalalalalalala
Or something that wreaks just as tall
Falalalalalalalala

Spam du jour's not what we want here
Falalalalalalalala
Why don't they make clubs reappear???
Falalalalalalalala
They have no clue why we're leaving???
Falalalalalalalala
Groups are still making us heaving…
As we all do leave show them our rear…

© 2002 Ludwig van Catt

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Yahoo's Swiss Cheese Spam Filter
(To "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer")

INTRO:
When you've got AOHELL...MSN/Hotmail and Netscape
And millions of other mail sites you can escape
But the worst of them all
Seems to be running on nothing but gall...

Yahoo's swiss cheese spam filter
On your nerves it sure does tear
And if you've ever tried it
It makes you want to swear...

And allof the other mail sites
Want to rid themselves of spam
That is except for Yahoo
It's they really don't give a damn...

Some day they will make us faint
One day it will work...
But that day they'll find we ain't
There but somewhere else to lurk...

Deafening echoes they'll hear
As we all have disappeared
As we did from the groups there
Won't return there on a dare...

© 2002 Ludwig van Catt

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I Saw Members Leaving Yahoo Groups
(To "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus")

I saw members leaving Yahoo groups
Picking up those damn things up with scoops
They couldn't stand the smell
Told Yahoo to go to hell
And left on to other sites that will not leave bad migraines

I saw more people leaving Yahoo groups
Yahoo thought they were a bunch of dupes
Oh what a curse Yahoo has been
We'll never go back again
Yahoo really thinks we have no brains...

© 2003 Ludwig van Catt

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A Fond Farewell
(To "Auld Lang Syne")

Why should anyone want to go back there
Where spam is everywhere???
Why should anyone want to go back there
Just to curse and swear???

CHORUS
For Yahoo sucks we all know
That they really do blow
They screwed the cup o' kindness yet
We never will forget

Would anyone in their right mind
Happiness in there find???
I doubt in there you'll find it yet
Until after you left...

CHORUS

They've no brains no guts nor glory
They tell a new story
If they knew the truth they'd have a fit
Because we all quit...

CHORUS

We gave them such a wicked burn
At every single turn
If we stayed we'd all to death be bored
They only struck bad chords...

CHORUS

Yahoo is dumber than a board
And turned to a spam lord
Run over them with a rusty Ford...
Or choke with bungee cords...

CHORUS

© 2003 Ludwig van Catt

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