AFF 3

All works under copyright of Ludwig van Catt and the Ludmental Publishing Corp. (© 2000 - 2003)... Now that this has been placed down...you might as well enjoy the parodies...

~ Ludwig van Catt

Yahoo History
(To "The Battle Of New Orleans")

In 1999 we found a little site
With clubs so perfect we posted all day and night
Even with glitches Yahoo really had done a good job
Yahoo's groups format's so ugly that we has to form a mob...

CHORUS
Yahoo's wondering why the members keep a leaving
Could it be those groups induced the dry heaving
We proved once more that yahoo really does blow
From here to Tokyo to the Gulf Of Mexico

(spoken)
The long way...

We looked up some members and nobody wants to come
To a sorry-assed groups site that is run by Dumber and Dumb
They stoop so low they don't want us to return
We found out now how hell gets all of their fires to burn

CHORUS

When Yahoo had said that their groups were on the rise
I wonder why nobody's posting proving that they're telling lies
We told them to their face that their groups really sucked
Then we left them for other sites and told Yahoo to get...well now...

CHORUS

BRIDGE
Yeah...they're a bunch of liars
They can't put out the fires
From their pants overtaking the paths rabbits always go
We ran so fast from those groups that we now show
In Smart Groups, MSN, My Way, and other sites we know...

You really want quality in the sites you visit
And not those that turn their backs on you every chance they get
The only advice I'll give you: show Yahoo your behind
Because if Yahoo lures you in then you have lost your mind...

CHOURS

BRIDGE

My advice to you
Go away from Yahoo
And post into
Other sites you knew
Every chance for you
'Cause Yahoo will take away your eyesight too...

© 2003 Ludwig van Catt

TOP

Greed
(To "Speed" by Montgomery Gentry)

I'm tired of shooin' off flies
Tired of a place that ignores its members day and night
Tired of their big and little lies
Tired of having to pay doctors to repair my eyesight...

Yahoo looks best in feathers and tar
Logging in elsewhere proves you're smarter than they are
Colors don't matter and we don't need
Chatroom feed
All that's really hurting them is

CHORUS
GREED
How low
Can they go???
Can they make me
Return there quickly
That thought is sickly...
Can we erase their memory???
What we really don't need:
Sites run by trolls and toads
With a whole lot of greed...

Yahoo thinks we're a bunch of schmucks
It really looks best inside a fleet of garbage trucks...
The first place online we made friends
Yet where all my patience ends...
Out of Yahoo...but will they know that we're gone???
Sorry-assed site...indeed
With too much...

CHORUS

Throw me a post or two over at SmartGroups here...
Remove the rear-view mirror so we don't go back in fear
To a site filled with gas
Yahoo can kiss my ass...
Goodbye to...

CHORUS

They're filled with greed
I'm tired of shooin off flies...
I'm tired of shadin' my eyes...

© 2003 Ludwig van Catt

Evil Yahoo
(To "Brokenheartsville" by Joe Nichols)

They had those great clubs that
We raced to in nothing flat...
Some Yahoo hired gun
Took away our fun...
Before we turned around
Those clubs were gone
A move gone far too wrong...
See all their members leaving strong...

CHORUS
Yahoo's long past
They can kiss our ass
I hope they're happy with it...
We know Yahoo
Is not for you...
Yahoo's worse than they'll admit...
We know the devil runs Yahoo email...
How else can you explain spam without fail
All against our will
And we'd all like to kill
All of Yahoo's evil...

The battle long fought
They pissed off the lot
Just call up Fred
Yahoo's now dead...
Just let them lie
Just wave goodbye...
They've gone to hell
It's just as well...

CHORUS
repeat CHORUS

© 2003 Ludwig van Catt

Annoying Yahoo
(To "Macarena")

Ohhhhhh...bye....

When Yahoo had clubs they were so great
Then they changed it to a format we all hate
Saw that mass exodus yet they
Think that Yahoo's numbers are rising along the way
They screwed freely
You and me
They won't change a faulty groups format...nicely...

CHORUS I:
Scum sucking...spam loving...club destroying Yahoo
Shrunk email...groups sucking...so annoying Yahoo
Cash hungry...self hating in deploying Yahoo
Get out of Yahoo...
(repeat Chorus I)

Don't you fret about losing your members
Yahoo's much worse than anyone here remembers
Nobody posts there anymore
They're nothing but an international spam whore
All we see from Yahoo is the door...

CHORUS II
Slow moving...glitch ridden...members leaving Yahoo
Butt ugly...it's causing dry heaving Yahoo...
Flea ridden...butt scratching...all thieving Yahoo
Get out of Yahoo...
(repeat Chorus II)

(Chorus I - without repeat)
(Chorus II - without repeat)
(Chorus I - without repeat)

© 2003 Ludwig van Catt

Hammering Yahoo
(To "Anvil Chorus" by Giuseppe Verdi)

Why did we put up with such low class
From a site that should have kissed our ass?
Why did they remove clubs and replace
With groups which now lie in dire disgrace?
There are no excuses
Get out the nooses...

CHORUS
Get out the hammers we are attacking Yahoo
Strike them too quickly
Or you might break the hammer
On such a dull and slimy brood...
Keep hitting Yahoo
Below the belt too
No damage done how true...

When we get anvils
Every single thrill
They will all disappear
With many a tear...

Oh Yahoo you blew
Every chance that you knew
Winning anyone back
Your groups should turn black
It is an improvement...

CHORUS

© 2003 Ludwig van Catt

Yahoo's STUUUUUUUUUPID
(To "I'm Too Sexy" by Right Said Fred)

They're too stupid for the net
Too stupid for the net
We'll never forget...

They're too stupid to design
A groups site that's in line
Where's their stupid sign???

They're too lazy for the spam
To tell it all to scram
Yes...Yahoo's a scam...

They're the people at the party
Dancing disco all hearty
All the guests have left early...

They're a disgrace...you know what I mean...
As they screw their members nightly at Yahoo
Oh yes...it is true
It's way to obscene
To invite people over to Yahoo...

They're too stupid in the car
For feathers and the tar
To stick by and far...

The bag is almost emptied now
Just do not have a cow
Should be covered 'bout now...

They're a disgrace...you know what I mean...
As they screw their members nightly at Yahoo
Oh yes...it is true
It's way to obscene
To even view the screens at that Yahoo...

Too stupid design
And they should resign
Keep their stupid sign...

COS
They're the worst joke on the internet
And I will not let up or have you forget
Their stupidity
A terminal case...see
They know their days are numbered...a sure bet...

They're too stupid for my cat
Too inane for my brat
Poor pussy
For her to see...

They have designed groups through fear
And hope they disappear
And that much it is clear...

They're too stupid to get this song...

© 2003 Ludwig van Catt

Leave Yahoo Now
(To "Y.M.C.A.")

Dummy there's no room for your groups
Hey...you...Dummy. You think that we're all dupes
Oh you Dummy will you just look and see
That your members are unhappy???

Dummy we'll tell you where to go
Hey you...Dummy you're wasting all your dough
You can stay there and I'm sure you will burn
Flames flare up at every turn

CHORUS
It's time to get out of Yahoo right now
Before the members start having a cow...
We are sick and tired of all their evil ploys
While they still play with little boys
It's time to get out of Yahoo right now
To other groups more fun they'll allow...

BRIDGE
Yahoo's really obscene
They have gone well past mean
Wonder where their members are seen???

Dummy Have you listened to us?
Hey you Dummy hear us all scream and cuss
Yahoo dip shit...You need a groups design
Where no one should want to resign

No site's successful on the shelf
Dummy! Yahoo only has pride for self-
Righteous twits beyond the YMCA
Nothing can save Yahoo this day...

CHORUS

BRIDGE

Yahoo, I once paid for your dues
Yahoo, I know you don't have any clues
You guys don't care if we're dead or alive
The whole world is sick of your jive

Now Yahoo smells like dirty feet
Now we won't spit on them across the street
We'd fear they'd make it their new groups format
And piss us off in nothing flat...

It's time to get out of Yahoo right now
Everybody knows that Yahoo sucks and HOW!!!
They lost everyone
Cause there is no fun
Just leave those twits at Yahoo right now
Just leave them now
Yahoo really looks best under a plow
It's uglier than thou
Just leave them now

Dummy...Yahoo isn't there to survive
Dummy...Yahoo's only giving you jive
Just leave them now
Tellin you to just go leave them now
Dummy...there's nothing they can offer you
Dummy...'cept dishing out your blues...

© 2003 Ludwig van Catt

Adios Reality
(To "Celebrity" as sung by Brad Paisley)

Yahoo's famous they must admit
Is it quality??? Well...no...
These days you don't really need it
Because in there failure shows

Can't wait to get the hell out of there
So I don't scream and swear
Really can't wait to go elsewhere
Won't return on a dare...

CHORUS
Cause when you're lacking quality
It's adios reality
They think their members are fools
We don't think it's cool
They're spamming ads so free...

BRIDGE I
They gave us major fits
When their groups screamed "Let's call it quits"
Yahoo's gone inane
We leave their groups all so freely
Adios reality...

Goodbye...

Yahoo wasn't going quickly
We left them for MyWay
Groups now Smart posting so free
And it is there I will stay...

They have lost quality forever
They'll cause an awful stir
They raise the dander and the fur
For their next endeavor...

CHORUS

BRIDGE II
Members fall further out of there
Because their quality lacks everywhere
They have gone down the drain
They don't have a brain
On their failure we see
Adios reality...

They should hitch up the wagons and head for sea
To drown in their vast misery
See the real world to see
The reasons we flee
Yahoo
Is now blue
Cause we're through...

Yeah

CHORUS

Adios reality...

Adios Yahoo...
Ya...WHO???
Goodbye Yahoo!

© 2003 Ludwig van Catt

Just Get The Hell Out
(To "That's Be Alright" as sung by Alan Jackson)

If Yahoo stopped the hackers and spam
If they stopped looking like a spoiled ham
If posts were meant to look that way
They'd all go away

Yahoo should stop sucking wind in there
As their members are leaving everywhere
That Yahoo isn't each and every day
They drove 'em away

CHORUS
That's a good way out
Hey let's scream and shout:
If every site everywhere
Ignored the members in there
And give the members no reason to stay
To post in other sites without delay
That's a good way out...

Get heavy metal and pound them to the ground
Into Yahoo some sense we should pound
Back to the depths of hell where it first bound
That's a good way out

CHORUS
Repeat CHORUS

That's a good way out
Let us go far out
Do not scream or pout
Just get the hell out
No it's not alright
Yahoo is a blight
That's right
It's to our eyesight
Too bright
Just get the hell out
Just get the hell out
Just get the hell out

© 2003 Ludwig van Catt

Groups Shoved Underneath a Greyhound Bus
(To "Backseat Of A Greyhound Bus" as sung by Sara Evans)

Yahoo's groups are like cherries with pits
Those pits caused us all to call it quits
With brains that small they still caused us fits...

Memories fade
No quality displayed
When changing over from beautiful clubs to groups
With pooper scoops
To scoop them away

They started to blow
Many years ago
We were forced to go
With a final show:

CHORUS
Groups thrown underneath a Greyhound bus
Heading down south with the windows up
The bus stopped quick because the smell
Had members think they were stuck in hell
Others the difference they can't tell
It was from above
We had to shove
Those groups underneath a Greyhound Bus

(Hey Hey Hey)

Moons were full...the stench stronger
They can't take Yahoo any longer
The sickest joke on the internet
People in Memphis try to forget...
If Yahoo knows what they're really missing
Is the members each day they're pissing...

A little girl
Had looked into the face of ugly
And hurled it into the street

CHORUS

(Na na na na...bye)

That little girl
Made the internet free

CHORUS

She left a site filled with sheer horror
That site was overrun by spam whores...

Goodbye
(Na na na na hey hey)
Goodbye
(Na na na na hey hey)

© 2003 Ludwig van Catt

We Left Them With Big Smiles
(To "She'll Leave You With A Smile" as sung by George Strait)

With laughter you're falling over
Other shudder in horror
So I guess Yahoo should warn you
You're all going somewhere new...

CHORUS
They lie...cheat...steal
And pure evil
They have no style
Stinking pile
A big headache
Quality's fake...
We leave Yahoo with big smiles...

They claimed their site was from Heaven
Really must have fallen then
And when you leave...don't go back again
Unless you don't have a brain...

CHORUS

It is surreal
It's pure evil
Each boy and lass
Raise a glass
So we can say
Without a delay
That Yahoo can kiss our ass...

© 2003 Ludwig van Catt

All The Sites
(To "To All The Girls I've Loved Before")

In all the sites I went before
None turned to be a big spam whore
Till Yahoo came along
Pissing us off so strong
So the members aren't there no more...

With that site I was once impressed
Those clubs of theirs among the best
Sure glitches did there grow
And did the members know
No one would go in there no more???

The winds of change really kept blowing
As every member is leaving
When those butt ugly groups were showing
That caused the members dry heaving...

In all the sites we go to more
None try to push us out a door
As much as Yahoo did
And you I will not kid
Yahoo's turned into a spam whore

Through the pains they gave to me
I give double with ecstasy
And if I should return
Though hell's fires won't burn
Frozen over they seem to be

Hot or cold Yahoo's always blowing
And there's no way in hell I'll stay
Please follow the exodus showing
And from them run far far away

Go to the sites we love much more
Ones that don't turn into spam whores
They did to us a wrong
A stench that was too strong
So bad we had to hit the floor...

We go to MSN and more
Smart Groups...Lycos we all adore
We're glad My Way came along
As we all sing this song
Yahoo is rotten to the core...

© 2003 Ludwig van Catt

Hit That Toad Again
(To "On the Road Again")

Hit that toad again
Can't wait to run over that toad again
He had created Yahoo that screwed all my friends
I can't wait to run over that toad again...

Hit that toad again
Net's worse off than it's ever been
Yahoo is where I will never go again
I can't wait to run over that toad again...

CHORUS
Hit that toad again
Before another massive pile of spam begins
Pissing off my friends
Insulting our intelligence to no end
To My Way, MSN we will others send
Can't wait to log into Smart Groups again
The sounds you're hearing is laughter with my friends
And we never see or hear that toad again...

© 2003 Ludwig van Catt

Wonderful Dancing Hamsters
(To "Harvey The Wonder Hamster" by Weird Al Yankovic)

I'd rather see those wonderful dancing hamsters
Than log into that thing called Yahoo
That just goes around turning us all blue
Just leave Yahoo
Here is my advice to you:
LEAVE YAHOO!!!!!

© 2003 Ludwig van Catt

Don't Go To Yahoo
(To "Don't Rock the Jukebox" as sung by Alan Jackson)

CHORUS
Don't go to Yahoo
I'll feel sorry for you
It's way too much trouble
It flings too much bull
It's been like that for years
It brings me to tears
Don't go to Yahoo
Cause it will make you blue...

Before you drop that quarter
Call someone who cares
To save you from sheer disaster
Giving you some flares
Really sick of Yahoo
Don't want that for you
Before you join we request
You listen to the rest...

CHORUS

They ain't got nothin'
There of quality
When you start feeling queasy
The solution's easy:
Remove your membership from Yahoo
You won't be feeling blue
They don't think you're a bunch of dupes
Over at Smart Groups...

CHORUS

Don't go to Yahoo
They'll really make you blue...

© 2003 Ludwig van Catt

Man Is He Crazy
(To "Mama He's Crazy" by the Judds)

Last night we saw someone
Who said that his life was done...
Ran a site
That's a blight
On the internet...
I'm sorry now we ever met
Cause the man's two Twinkies short
Of a dessert tray
As a last resort
He was begging me to stay...

CHORUS

Man is he crazy
Crazier than me
In all my life I never heard
Anything so absurd...
He's clucking like a chicken
It's worse than he's ever been
Boy that man is crazy
He needs psychiatry...

"You'd better collect your prize
I think this jacket's your size
And it fastens in the back...
Quality doesn't lack...
On you it sure looks great
Don't it Kate???
Fits perfectly for Yahoo
Looks great on you
Before I go
The men in white will show..."

CHORUS

© 2003 Ludwig van Catt

1990 Something
(To Mark Wills' "19 Something")

We saw Yahoo when it was good
The clubs were what members understood
And they were great when everything seemed to go wrong...
Well we learned the shortcuts in a record time
When posts came from 1969
I still remember those few days Yahoo was working fine...
That was before the day Yahoo died
And the members cried...

CHORUS
It was 1990 something
We had clubs we used to post in
Writing songs and poetry
Slamming trolls was a hobby
Looking back I wish they heard me
And now boy they look cheesy
Yahoo groups really ain't worth nothing...
Wish it was 1990 something...

We used to know when Yahoo was a rave
Now our middle fingers wave
Members had left finally when they were ignored...
Members ideas in round files were stored
They got worse with each passing day...
Members really had no say
And their hands were tied...
Marijuana Yahoo had tried
Cause their brains were fried...

That was 2000 something
They have groups nobody wanted
Those damn things made our eyes sting
Too ugly to be flaunted...
And now I wish that they had heard me
Because those groups are cheesy
I won't go back to them for nothing
Wish it was 1990 something...

Now we post in SmartGroups and MSN
Yahoo's now worse than it's ever been
Made me (made me) wish back then...

CHORUS

(spoken)
Wish it was 1999...

© 2003 Ludwig van Catt

Thank GOD I'm gone
(To "Thank God You're Gone" as sung by Sammy Kershaw)

That site's really a mess
Well before I left depressed
Yahoo groups really need beauty
But the beast swallowed it all
I don't care even if they fall
It's the last Yahoo sees of me...

CHORUS
Thank GOD I'm gone
Because Yahoo's falling apart
I'm dancing over their grave again singing this song
Cause Yahoo really has no heart
It's a good thing you don't see me in there
They make me want to swear...
Thank GOD I'm gone...

They took all of our clubs away
Replaced it with shit filet
Yahoo never smelled like a rose
We don't know when the stench will end
They pissed off me and my friends
That exit door Yahoo slammed closed
So...

CHORUS

Thank GOD I'm gone
Yahoo's really falling apart
It smells worse than a baked bean contest fart
When we left them we were happy...
I just wish you were around to see me
As I'm writing this song
Thank God I'm gone

Thank God I'm gone
Thank God I'm gone

© 2003 Ludwig van Catt

They Lost Their Senses
(To "Annie's Song" by John Denver)

They lost all their senses
As their groups bring offenses
Against all humanity
As plain as you can see
Everyone thinks that Yahoo
Is a piss in the ocean
They lost all their senses
Won't go back again

Yahoo still screws you
Only if it weren't so true
We roll over with laughter
When we leave them to rot
It smells like spam a lot
Over and over again
Yahoo is a disaster
Beyond any hope
Must be smoking dope...

The stench took over
Skunks offended by odor
Yahoo had offended them
It's driven them insane
Everyone thinks that Yahoo
Is a piss in the ocean
They lost all their senses
Please don't go again...

© 2003 Ludwig van Catt

You're Gone
(To "I'm Gone" as sung by Allison Kraus)

When you log in there
That first time it's a mistake
And you'll find out that Yahoo's such an utter disgrace
We know it tried to blind me
So you cannot find
Any means of escape
Screw with your mind...

CHORUS
And if you leave there I will start
Throwing a party from the heart
We all know Yahoo's in the wrong
It is not where you belong
From there I'm glad to hear you're gone...

I am glad to see
That you came to your senses
Each of their offenses
Yet another one leaves...
I guess that they can't see
All the members leave so free
To other sites taking flight
In the right...

CHORUS
Repeat chorus

© 2003 Ludwig van Catt

Two Ton Dancing Queens
(To "Dancing Queen")

CHORUS I
They have failed
We have bailed
Turning tighter every screw
See Yahoo
It's obscene
Run by fat dancing queens...

Yahoo once had clubs that were good
Went in there every chance we could
Sure glitches hit now and then
Didn't know when...
They went and took our clubs away
And failed to tell members that they
Would change to unwanted formats
Mistaking us for doormats...
Everything went flat...
Members gave them every chance
Now on their grave we'll dance...

CHORUS II
Those two dancing queens
Ti's obscene
Never should be seen
Yahoo sucks
Those dumb clucks
Site ain't worth two bucks

CHORUS I

They're a leper
Less popular
Eyes were burning then we were gone
Yahoo's a bunch of mothers
Worse than all others
We gave Yahoo every chance
Now on their grave we'll dance...

CHORUS II

CHORUS I

(Repeat CHORUS II then CHORUS I till fade)

© 2003 Ludwig van Catt