TYH 1

~ Ludwig van Catt

A Fond Farewell
(To "I Wish I Was Dead" from "West Side Story")

They blew
Their groups suck too
I'm glad with those groups I am through
The deal I just don't want for you:
Into that nut house…and carried…

I'm through
I threw a shoe
At those damned bastards called Yahoo
For ruining a site once true
I wish they were dead and buried…

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A Lyrical Vent
(To ZZ Top's "Gimme All Your Lovin'")

We need to take a shot
At a format that isn't sweet
Straitjackets have been bought
For the screwball who thought that was so neat…

CHORUS
Yahoo's really shovin'
All their chances up their ass
And they're really lovin'
That their hearts are made of glass…

You've got to flip them off
And tell them now where they should go
And to laugh and scoff
And really let your anger show…

CHORUS

We got to move on out
We're not takin' it anymore
We will all scream and shout
Their groups are a big eyesore…

CHORUS

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A Sickening Site
(To "The Old Sow Song")

(Lyric symbols:
@ = snort
# = whistle
$ = Bronx cheer or raspberry)

There was a site and they called it Yahoo
@ oo # oo $ it smells like poo
There was a site and they called it Yahoo
Let us all leave Yahoo…

CHORUS
Yahoo is a sickening site
@ site # site $ site
Yahoo is a sickening fright…

They gobbled up the clubs and they threw up the groups
@ bloops # scoops $ didn't say oops
The Groups came out they should have ahnded us scoops…
Stomachs churning in loops…

CHORUS

That format of theirs is just making me sick
@ ick # ick $ get me out quick
That format of theirs is just making me sick
Get me a doctor quick…

CHORUS

Their groups look like shit after dynamite blew
@ ew # ew $ smells like Yahoo
Their groups look like shit after dynamite blew
Don't let it get on you…

CHORUS

Yahoo made me blind I can't see anymore
@ ore # ore $ is this the door???
Yahoo made me blind I can't see anymore
Yahoo we're now at war…

CHORUS

The groups have been opened the members run dry
@ why # why $ I wonder why???
The groups have been opened the members run dry
To other sites we fly…

CHORUS

We all witnessed the death of this old Yahoo
@ who? # who? $ if they just knew
Their groups as a whole smelled like a backed up loo
Don't light a match…HEY YOU!!!

CHORUS

Now let us all leave this stink hole called Yahoo
@ ew # ew $ o piddle poo
Let us all leave this shit hole that mauled Yahoo
Let's bid them all adieu…

CHORUS
Repeat CHORUS twice

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A Yahoo Ditty
(To Leonard Bernstein's "I Feel Pretty")

DISGRUNTLED YAHOO GROUPS FOUNDER:
Yahoo's shitty
It looks gritty
Every city
Does them pity
Each night
And I pity
Anyone who lost their eyesight…

Members arming
It looks charming
It's alarming
The harming
We'll do
To old Yahoo
We can hardly go in there to view…

See that ugly site
It groups each night
Such a big disgrace…
If it had a face
Needs a paper bag
It's the sickest gag…

Think they're cunning???
We are running
Members shunning
And punning
With joy…
We do ploy
Leaving for Smart Groups to enjoy…

CHORUS OF DISGRUNTLED MEMBERS:
Have you met our good friend Otto
Who crashes all the time we show???
Can't show for one minute without spam
Showing up every seven seconds…it's a scam…

They think they're sexy
They think they're pretty
They are neither
They need a breather

In an asylum
Cause Yahoo's so dumb
From such brain disease
Or could it be fleas???

Stay away from them…
Failure does stir…
This doesn't show???
Yahoo's noses grow…

There is no cure
They're out of their mind
It smells like manure
And it makes you go blind…

FOUNDER
It's so ugly
Never will be
Very pretty
A pity
To see
Definitely
Should be
Deleted by you and me…

MEMBERS
Blah…blah…blah…blah…

FOUNDER
I feel dizzy
Like the movie
The Exorcist…
Yahoo's made me pissed
And so angry…
Give Yahoo a sign:
"We all resign!!!!!!"

MEMBERS
Blah…blah…blah…blah…

FOUNDER
Get a doctor
My head's starting to stir

MEMBERS
I see it whirl…

FOUNDER
Yahoo's making me want to hurl…

MEMBERS
Please don't hurl
Earl…

FOUNDER
Such an ugly site
Much too ugly site
Way too ugly site
Away ugly site…

MEMBERS
Away ugly site

ALL
We are heaving
As we're leaving
And we're running
And punning
Elsewhere…
Soon be there
To a new site:
A brand new light

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Are They Lonesome Tonight?
(To "Are You Lonesome Tonight")

Are they lonesome tonight
Groups that are such a fright
They're so ugly we had to depart?
Does their memory stray
Their clubs we would always stay
When we posted and posted with joy…
Now they forced those groups on us
Now empty and bare
Members screams and curses plus
We're leaving from there…
Are your eyes racked with pain?
Yahoo's gone down the drain
Hey…Yahoo…are you lonesome tonight?

Wonder if Yahoo's lonesome tonight
It's a god awful fright
Their site was much better when they had the clubs
Instead of forcing all of us out drinking in pubs
Your clubs best of the net
Sure tempers were out let
When your infamous glitches clearly like a bell
Now go to hell
You changed for the worst and stranger still
It was against our will
Yahoo improvements were a great big lie
We don't care if you live or die
But we'd rather leave than hear you lying
Go on living without spying
Through those cams spammed on every other page
You made us all filled with rage
If you don't see us come back there
Go to hell and find us elsewhere…

Are you blind from their site?
Come back again…yeah right…
Hey Yahoo…are you lonesome tonight???

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Bad Move
(To Faith Hill's "Breathe")

We can see the errors flowing through their site
Every time we log in each night…
We watch Yahoo die in total disgrace
When they shoved those groups in our face…
The many improvements, despite our pleas
Before we see them, hell will freeze…
Their whole world faded away
Like our eyesight today
And now no one wants to stay…

CHORUS I
Hey Yahoo you did prove
It's a very bad move
When deciding to change our clubs so pure
To piles of manure…
It smells like a compost heap on fire…
It is our desire
That we ought to flee
Go to SmartGroups where all good groups are supposed to be…
Yet all you can prove…
BAD MOVE!!!!

And we know that Yahoo's never waking up
As all our groups are breaking up…
Worse than I've ever seen before
Hey Yahoo
Get a clue
We can't take it anymore…

CHORUS II
Hey your groups are too bright
I'm losing my eyesight…
And suddenly we're getting all the spam…
You're nothing but a scam
Yahoo…Are you forcing us to move
For groups to improve???
We're starting to flee
Over SmartGroups' way where good groups are supposed to be…
Yahoo you did choose…
YOU LOSE!!!!

I can see our members leaving everywhere
Yahoo can kiss our derriere…

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Ballad Of The Yahoo Groups
(To "Ballad Of the Green Berets")

Members leave they wonder why
The spam's falling from the sky
They don't care what we do say
They start to fail without delay…

CHORUS I
Eyesores gone when we do leave
It's uglier than they believe
They wonder why we left today
But they never cared 'bout what we say…

Forces groups against our will
Lowered their membership to nil…
Why fight with them night and day???
Get out of there without delay…

Our eyes sore and we are pissed
We have to see an oculist
We went blind from three damned posts
Now it's there as towns for ghosts…

CHORUS II
Before you leave turn out the light
No one wants to go back to their site
Groups too ugly for words to say
Just leave Yahoo without delay

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Boot Scootin Yahoo
(To Brooks & Dunn's "Boot Scootin' Boogie)

Out in the chat room
We should have seen the sign
Well there's something in gloom
That makes us resign...
The room starts jumpin', and yet
Yahoo starts to time
And yet forget
In the midst of a rhyme
Its where you get all blue
Due to boot scootin' Yahoo...

I've got a good line
That I must respond and use
For a line where I resign
For Yahoo here did lose
And fire up my temper's flair
And let all hell run
As I'm flying down here to swear
To that place of shun
Tell them where I knew
To stick that boot scootin' Yahoo...

CHORUS
Yeah, you know
Docie doe
Come on, scoot
Let's go shootin' boot
Oh, give us back
To pack...
Say ACK!!!
Yahoo is out of whack!!!
We're gonna turn blue...
And a frown
For that clown
Of renown:
Boot scootin' Yahoo...

My beloved asks me
Says "Hon, what will it be?"
"I want instead
That redhead
So dear
Whose to me near..."
Dances continue...
Our chats hotter than the Fourth of July
I see outlaws
In-laws
Brooks and Dunn
All makin' us one
Within that boot scootin' Yahoo...

CHORUS (and Repeat)

Love me
My beauty...
My baby...
Say adieu:
Boot scootin' Yahoo...
Oh beauty mine
So divine...
Say adieu:
Boot scootin' Yahoo...

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Drink! Drink! Drink!
(To "Drink! Drink! Drink" from "The Student Prince")

Ein…zwei…drei…vier…
Throw Yahoo over the pier…
(looking towards the sea)
Ein…zwei…drei…vier
Yahoo looks better from here…

CHORUS I
Drink! Drink! Drink!
Yahoo looks better as three
More beers going through me!
Drink! Drink! Drink!
Open up another case here of
Liquid Yahoo love…

Here's hoping our eyes won't be too sore…
Seemingly…probably we should drink more
To make Yahoo look appealing…
Tomorrow our heads are reeling…

CHORUS II
Drink! Drink!
Another beer
Do they know we're not here???
Drink! Drink! Drink!
Every day more members start to disappear…

Drink! Drink! Drink
Two more kegs to make Yahoo
More appealing to you…
Drink! Drink! Drink!
You cannot drink just one
It takes out the fun
I hope ten more will make it look good…
But right now…I don't think anything could…

Right now am I able to see
When Yahoo is that butt ugly???

CHORUS II

They stink!!!!

CHORUS I

Here's hoping our eyes won't be to sore
Seemingly…probably…we should drink more…

Right now an I able to see
When Yahoo's making me dizzy???

CHORUS II

THEY STINK!!!!!

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Dull Drab Site
(To ZZ Top's "Sharp Dressed Man")

Their flubs:
No clubs
Wond'ring why nobody's in Yahoo???
Their fads:
SPAM ads
Come on every click or two…
We run to SmartGroups as if we're in flight
Coz nobody's crazy about a dull, drab site…

Logged on
Posts are gone
And pretty soon my clubs are too
We should sue
Yahoo
Coz what they call it really isn't true…
We run to SmartGroups as if we're in flight
Coz nobody's crazy about a dull, drab site…

Adieu
I'm through
Yahoo really makes my eyes so sore
Bad luck
They suck
Don't want to be here anymore
We run to SmartGroups as if we're in flight
Coz nobody's crazy about a dull, drab, site…

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Good Riddance To You
(To "Good Morning To You")

Good riddance to you
You got what you're due
We really do hate you
Please don't continue

Good riddance to you
You suck and you blew
Why did you choose Yahoo
Hey…Your nose sure grew…

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Goodbye Yahoo
(To "Hello Muddah, Hello Fadduh" by Allan Sherman/Ponchielli)

Goodbye Yahoo
Your groups sure suck
And it is true
Run by true schmucks…
It's so bad there's no believing
And they say we's have some fun when we stop heaving…

There's no liking
Groups of Yahoo
We told them to
Go start hiking
Take mile long ones without a tear
Preferably off a fifty foot pier…

All the spammers and the bait-ers
Feed them to the alligators
See the members all run and flee
Away from those groups because they are butt ugly

Now I don't think I can take more
But those groups made both my eyes sore
See the members go in hiding
In other groups sites I see them all sliding…

Take me out
I hate Yahoo's groups
Get me out
Stomach turns in loops
Just leave there
That damn spam is everywhere
It will turn you into a bear

Just leave now
You continue to have a cow
Customer service is a joke
Oh please don't make me stay
I've been here one whole day…

Leaving Yahoo???
I don't blame you…
Their groups would scare the Hell's Angels
Hear them ringing Yahoo's death knells
I'm glad to see you
Are leaving that damn Yahoo

We should all sue
That damn Yahoo
And all its false advertising
Called it Yahoo…tempers rising
Name's misleading
Goodbye to Yahoo's spam ring…

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Goodbye 8-15-2002
(To C.W. McCall's "Convoy")

(In a Yahoo Groups chatroom):
malfunctioning_pos: Mad Piper seems like we're the only ones here. At least that's what the chatroom reads now…
mad_piper_love: Seems like malfunctioning_pos…
malfunctioning_pos: This Yahoo chatroom needs some Viagra…
mad_piper_love: I seriously doubt if even that would work on Yahoo…
malfunctioning_pos: Popping out a bit…looks like we got us a spammer…

In Cali noon
On the sixth of June
He proved Yahoo never shows class
Turned in spam
Over a spy cam
They told him to kiss their ass
He's ready to leave
I believe
And it's not the same old bull…
Now Yahoo…you are fucking with the wrong people
And Yahoo you can shove your groups straight up your ass…

CHORUS
Cause they got disgruntled members
Leaving' through the night
I doubt anybody remembers
They were once a beautiful sight
It was back a year or two
And their groups ain't gonna make us stay
We're gonna leave this fuckin' Yahoo
They're the weakest link…
Goodbye…
Yahoo…

(back to the chat room)
malfunctioning_pos: Are those spammers EVER going to quit??? I had to delete eighty of them in seven minutes…
mad_piper_love: Is Yahoo ever going to learn??
malfunctioning_pos: Damn it…those fuckers are at it again…

Has Yahoo missed
That we are pissed
And we are really going to leave???
With a mighty thrust
We made them eat our dust
Yahoo makes us want to heave
They suck all day
With no luck all day
In trying to make us return
They can't tell
From the smell
Told them to go to hell
Where the eternal fires do burn…

CHORUS

Yahoo's down and nobody cared
Their groups making everyone scared
We don't care if they get
The worst site on the net
Because they're shitty
And they think they're witty
But half right is what they are
They're a scar
On the net
And they wouldn't let
Members even try to forget…

(In the chatroom again)
malfunctioning_pos: Now…here's our plan…hope it works… When we see a spammer…tell them to go back to customer service where they belong…get out the Visine and try to get our eyes back in focus and hope there's enough of it left to last the next five minutes…

Yahoo is a creep
Who is tacky and cheap
We need an eye doctor here and soon
We still hate the groups
And they play us for dupes
They love to make misery for all
So we went in that line
As old Yahoo does whine
Where are our members leaving to
And then those mother fuckers
Had called us all suckers
And said we'd all come back to Yahoo
But we told them to fuck
Themselves all for luck
When we burned that final bridge
As we sent our troops
Over to SmartGroups
We're all sittin' on the ridge
Laughing our heads off
As we all laugh and scoff
At the misery that they caused
We never paused
As their ass went zoom
And we warned them not to breathe the fume…

(In the chatroom)
malfunctioning_pos: A few more minutes before we leave this POS site for a better site. How's Smart Groups doing at this minute???
mad_piper_love: It's still better than Yahoo…They can still kick Yahoo's ass…even when it's down for repairs…

The members came to
A groups site that's new
Which shows the members that they do care
Yahoo's a bunch of Schmucks
And the raunchiest ducks
Won't go back to them on a dare
And then I took a drink
Saw Yahoo's stock sink
It just made Yahoo extinct
But a distinct
Look at Yahoo
Shouldn't have forced them groups on you…

CHORUS

:Goodbye
:(chatroom) Goodbye pal
:Goodbye
:(chatroom) malfunctioning_pos: Piper…we'll be seeing each other sooner than you think?
:(chatroom) mad_piper_love: You're going there too???
:Goodbye
:(chatroom) malfunctioning _pos: I don't know who this is going to hurt worse…Yahoo or our former members…but at least I'll miss the members…
:(chatroom) mad_piper_love: Good luck old friend…
:Goodbye
:(chatroom) malfunctioning_pos: Just keep Yahoo off your ass and the have new groups showing all the class… We'll
:Goodbye
:(chatroom) catch you in YaPurgatory.
:(chatroom) mad_piper_love: Will do…and I am in there as Otto Crash…hope you don't mind…
:Goodbye
:(chatroom) (both posting at the same time) Good riddance to bad rubbish…

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Hate Yahoo Groups
(To "I Love LA")

Hate Yahoo groups
See membership droops
And in Yahoo they really don't care
Let's leave Yahoo now
Really show them how
Good groups are supposed to be run
Yahoo only removes fun…

Posting in the At Home On the Range Club
With the sexiest redhead by my side…
The same thing happens after eating Yahoo's grub
You start to run and hide…

It broke Windows
The eyesore grows
They're now the breach boys
Away
The worst joke on the net
Not gonna forget
Yahoo has removed all our joy…

From Bitches Inc where we roasted
All the trolls who in there posted
In clubs we were very happy
And every day Yahoo's gone crappy
Ruined another perfect day…

We hate Yahoo
(Go spam it)
We hate Yahoo
(Go spam it)

Look at that spammer
See him stammer…
Give them the thumb
Show them your bum…
They're down on their knees
Asking pretty please
We'll just smash them with a hammer…

Message boards of Yahoo
(THEY SPAM US)
In the groups of Yahoo
(THEY SPAM US)
Even in the mail of Yahoo
(THEY SPAM US)
Let's leave
(We hate it)
(We hate it)

We hate Yahoo
We hate Yahoo
(go spam it)

repeat and fade

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I'm Madder
(To a theme of "Blackadder")

The sounds of founders leaving round
Sweeter from other groups sties do sound
When they come there to post some more
And rid themselves of one big eyesore

What's sadder
What's sadder
Their groups make my eyes bleed
I'm madder
I'm madder
They're very bad indeed…

Groups which suck and groups that blow
Groups in which members never show
Their groups are not where you should go
Improvements are a constant no show

I'm madder
I'm madder
They never showed much class
I'm madder
I'm madder
Yahoo can kiss my ass…

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In Old Yahoo
(To "In the Ghetto)

As the snow falls
We know that Yahoo really has no balls
And that fact we yell throughout the halls
Of old Yahoo
That THEY REALLY SUCK!!!
But there's just one thing that we don't need
Is groups that make our heads inside bleed
In old Yahoo

Yahoo doesn't understand
These groups are ruining the band
Of friends passing through this site that was once so grand

But between you and me
It is too hard to see
The groups through all this mess
I really must confess

As our stomachs churn
Yet Yahoo knows that inside our anger does burn
I feel they want us out of Yahoo
And we should sue…

If they continue
Practices calling themselves Yahoo
It is them we should sue
For malpractice so true
And stuck like glue…

Then one night on the interstate
We have found out our fate
Yahoo's now a big eyesore
We can't get in there anymore
Wonder what's in store…

As we crowd into those little tight rooms
That they're passing off as the chat of doom
In old Yahoo

As our clubs do die
Horrible deaths with the Yahoo Y
Another group's born to suffer the fate
That we all hate…

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Is There Life In There
(To Reba McEntyre's "Is there Life Out There?")

There were once a pretty good site
Though with them we did fight
When clubs didn't work…
We didn't think they'd be a jerk
And begin forcing us all out
With migraines about
And now we're screaming with all our might:

CHORUS
Is there life in there???
Echos everywhere
Deadly silence…
Yahoo's really that dense…
Done all we could do
To pull our members through…
Don't really want to leave
Yet we will all dry heave
If we stay in there…

Moving them all tomorrow
And without any pity or sorrow
This time they did something foolish
The spam ads arrive
Us out the did drive
I wonder if that was their wish???

CHORUS

There's a place on the net
We cannot forget
The memories…
And despite our pleas
They have forced us out
As our heads scream and shout
From SmartGroups we hear
Yahoo's members disappear:

Chorus

There's no life in there…

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King Of All Spam
(To Roger Miller's "King Of the Road")

Spy cams for sale…how dense
Groups aren't worth fifty cents
No balls…no spine…just gall
They're the worst site overall…
But two seconds of viewing groups
Our stomachs start churnin' in loops…
Don't think they really give a damn:
King of all spam…

Third headache…big migraine…
Yahoo…don't you have a brain???
Got so bad we can't lurk
Their massage pen doesn't work…
Your clubs were perfect nearly found
By members from all around…
Don't think they really give a damn:
King of all spam…

We know Yahoo blows big time
With each rhyme
And with any luck
Yahoo will still suck…
And they've been knocked down
In every town
Piercing noise in our ears sound
With those groups around…

I sense…
Spy cams for sale…how dense
Groups aren't worth fifty cents
No balls…no spine…just gall
They're the worst site overall…
But two seconds of viewing groups
Our stomachs start churnin' in loops…
Don't think they really give a damn:
King of all spam…

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Kiss This, Yahoo!!!
To Aaron Tippin's "Kiss This"

We are founders with a vision
Frustrated and with derision
With every single glitch set up by these clowns...
We were all here with big old frowns
When a miracle occurred here
Days glitch-free near
Came upon us to fear:

Oh, what was happening right now...
We're gonna have a cow...
That Yahoo Groups sucking even more
Our patience every day
We' will know what comes up in store...
So I think we must now say
"Never should have got out of bed..."
Here's what we said:

CHORUS
Yahoo, you kiss
Kiss this
And I don't mean on our rosy red lips
But don't you think they're dips
That suck worse than a Hoover vacuum cleaner
We know Yahoo's gotten a whole lot meaner...
Puckered up with one big sigh
And kissed this goodbye...

Well the next thing I recall
We had them backed against a wall
Thinkin' they had no other place to run
We were swearing right in their face
Telling them they're a big disgrace
Giving them a list of things to be done...

It was right about now
That Yahoo threw in the towel
Then came to watch us suffer in delight
With something much worse than our dreams at night...
The battles were fought and won
But the victory's sapping out all of the fun
Instead,
We said:

CHORUS (repeat twice)

Yo!!! Kiss this goodbye!!!
YAHOO!!!

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